I sometimes feel like I lack the motivation to be a 'real' human being. I feel like I'm a robot, most of the time. My life is controlled by my child. And will be for a long time to come. He wakes up, I'm up. He needs fed, I feed him. I never knew it would be so hard to be needed 24hours a day, 7 days a week. How when I spend two hours during the afternoon doing everything I can to get him to take a nap, and he refuses, and spends the rest of the day either being cranky, or cuddly, by the time I get him in bed, I don't want any kind of attention from my husband at all. I am absolutely, positively NOT complaining about my child. I love him more than anything, and don't regret one milisecond having him. I just didn't know how hard it was going to be to barely have a moment to myself some days. I can't even go to the bathroom in peace. That is why I CHERISH those precious hours I spend at knitting group. That is why I drive the 25 minutes once a week to the one in the neighboring town. (That, and I really, really enjoy that group). My hubby is very supportive of my knitting habit.
I don't really feel like a robot. I feel like I'm failing as a parent because some days, I would rather do something I want instead of sit on the floor and try to teach my son the difference between things that are ok to throw (balls, balloons, etc.) and things that are not (blocks, HEAVY toys, etc.).
Yeah, I think that about sums it up...I'm definitely not ready for another child.
2 comments:
You aren't failing as a parent. Don't be so hard on yourself. He;s cute, he's cuddly and he has a killer smile. Don't worry, it'll be alright. This is just a season in your life. A new one will come soon.
Oh and don't give me any of that, "You don't have kids crap." I've been around enough mothers to know what I'm talking about.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's like you typed the words for me.
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